Living with loss - something everyone faces at some point

Stress Trauma

2011-02-23T20:44:00.003Z

HERE IS A VERY HELPFUL ARTICLE ABOUT TRAUMA, SHOCK, AND POST TRAUMA

I found this had been tweeted by someone I follow, and wanted to share it with everyone! A very comprehensive piece about the effects of suffering from trauma, and/or some major shock. Hope others will find this helpful too.

'Life' after death ...

2011-02-19T20:17:00.002Z

Today I went to pick up my son from Cambridge University where he is studying Computer Science. He was going to come on the train, but when I heard it was a 'replacement bus service' and going to take him more than twice as long, in the pouring rain, I decided to play the 'kind mum' card and drive over to pick him up.

I like time in the car with my kids, as it is a good chance to natter, without distractions. He was telling me about the medic students, and how they have to make their dead bodies last for the year, as they are in such short supply. He told me that it was common practice for the students to write to the relatives of their bodies, to let know what they were doing. I immediately and instinctively felt very positive about that, and thought what a good idea - to let the relative of the donated dead body know that ...it was being useful, and how.

We then both went on to have a slightly weird conversation about the positives of leaving our own bodies for something useful. We decided we both quite fancied a life after death as skeletons. They are apparently quite hard to come by, and very expensive! You can imagine the conversation, as we whizzed down the A14, and talked of picturing ourselves in some lecture theatre, as 'Max' or 'Jane' ...The Skeletons.

Not a conversation I would ever easily have predicted having with my son! But it was strangely comforting ... If my old bones are up to it in the future, you never know!

Is it possible to bury a loved one in the garden?

2011-02-10T22:31:00.003Z

http://www.gardenlaw.co.uk/gardenburial.html

This is interesting, I had heard that it was possible! What do people think about this - garden burial at a family home? Large estates of course used to have burial areas for family members, but what about the home burial the the garden of a much less grand abode?

Have others tried writing a letter to a deceased loved one?

2011-02-05T22:06:00.003Z

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/feb/05/letter-to-my-late-son-who-had-schizophrenia

Have others tried writing a letter to a loved one who has passed on? And, if so, did it help? This is a sad letter to read, and you can only hope that the mother who wrote it has found the process therapeutic in some way.

Cochester Cemetery in Essex tell mourners to remove 'cheap trinkets'

2011-02-02T18:45:00.003Z

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1352498/Poundland-cemetery-Colchester-council-bans-ornaments-graves.html?ITO=1490 The article linked here, from the Daily Mail gives you the opportunity to vote with your view!

A Cemetery in Colchester in Essex is putting it's foot down, and asking that mourners behave in a more 'dignified' manner, and remove an abundance of toys, trinkets, and adornments they have placed in the cemetery to mark their loved ones graves.

Do you think this is reasonable, or is it a local council being bossy and insensitive to the wishes of mourners?

Council to save money – and combat global warming – by heating a swimming pool using heat generated by crematorium

2011-02-02T10:29:00.005Z

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/jan/24/crematorium-heat-swimming-pool-redditch?INTCMP=SRCH

Redditch Council in Worcestershire reckon they could save nearly £15K a year, by using the heat generated from the crematorium incinerators, next door to their new Abbey Stadium sports centre.

Who thinks this is a good idea? Or is such a (relatively!) small amount of money not worth saving, at the risk of people feeling the whole idea lacks respect for the recently departed ...?

LOSS - word in pictures

2011-01-29T19:53:00.002Z

Found on today's Guardian website, these pictures illustrate loss - not always in relation to a death. Poignant and beautiful. Do look at them.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/gallery/2011/jan/29/readers-pictures-loss

Suicide partners found each other on the internet

2010-09-26T11:27:00.003+01:00

Last week the UK news channels reported the suicide deaths of two people who had linked up via the internet. They had apparently swapped information about how to commit suicide and then met and died together in a car. This seems like an incredible use for the internet to most people - but what do YOU think about this? How do you feel when you hear a story like this hitting the headlines? Do you think that the internet should be more restricted when it comes to how people are now using it for activities which in the past would have seemed impossible not to mention taboo.

Death Tax

2010-02-10T19:19:00.003Z

There is a lot of comment around today about the possibilities of the Labour party bringing in a Death Tax! Sounds pretty horrible, even if the details seem to be far from finalised.

What do you think?

Is a death tax the answer to the issues around care for the elderly and infirm in our society?

Sudden death, or terminal illness

2009-09-26T17:39:00.003+01:00

I am interested to know of your experiences - either having lost a loved one very suddenly, or lived in the knowledge that someone close to you was, or maybe is dying. Please comment, anonymously of course if you prefer, to get across feelings - or any other information about how you dealt with, or are dealing with one of these death situations. For example, is it true that when you are living with someone you know is dying, that you do much of your grieving 'up front'; or how does coping with terminal illness affect later memories of that person? And with sudden death - do you feel there are long term effects which maybe are not apparent (perhaps due to shock?) at the time of death, with later cause a reaction?

Thank you to those who feel able to share their experiences here.

Do we have any choice about when we die?

2009-08-28T19:32:00.005+01:00

You sometimes hear tales of people 'hanging on' to see someone, before they finally take their last breath; say when people have travelled from afar to visit someone on their deathbed. Do others reading this have any experience of that happening? Could it possibly be there are circumstances in which people can subconsciously 'time' their own death? What do you think?

Funeral etiquette

2009-08-24T16:00:00.002+01:00

Funerals are never going to be happy events, but in recent years they have perhaps become less formal - with people emphasising the celebration of life, and in some cases introducing a humanist delivery, rather than reverting to the traditional Vicar and religion without any true meaning to the non-believers out there. Handpainted coffins, children's poems, friends' memories, and a whole variety of music all now often play a part in the end of life ceremony.

Have you any tales to tell, or experiences of an unusual send off?

Indeed, do you have any ideas about your own funeral - how you would like it to be, whether you want to play any part in planning it, songs or readings you may have chosen for the 'event'. Please do share with us your thoughts.

Have you made a will?

2009-08-17T09:31:00.003+01:00

Apparently over 60% of people have not made a will, even though we all know that it is best, and helps our nearest and dearest when we die, meaning that the estate is distributed in a timely manner, in accordance with the deceased's wishes.

Why this gap in reality and common sense action?

Assisted suicide

2009-08-13T21:50:00.001+01:00

I think things are beginning to change on this front. About time. There should be more choice, for those who want it.

Burial spots

2009-08-12T14:39:00.001+01:00

I wouldn't mind being buried in my garden.

How has the death of someone affected you?

2009-08-11T10:37:00.003+01:00

Everyone is different, and a death can affect us in a variety of ways. Please share here, how the death of someone has made YOU feel. Tell us if there was an unexpected, or even delayed reaction which you were not expecting? It is not always easy to say these things to your nearest and dearest ...but here you are just you, and your experience could help someone else who comes and reads this Blog. Or, the experience of just saying how you feel here, may help you.